Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

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(512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. http://tfl.nu/mk0c

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(407): View more from Florida

Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.

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(407): Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night. http://tfl.nu/8tsr

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(607): View more from New York

It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.

(1-607): View more from New York

I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey

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(607): It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit. (1-607): I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey http://tfl.nu/q7g1

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(979): View more from Texas

Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.

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(979): Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ikem

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(518): View more from New York

im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.

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(518): im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party. http://tfl.nu/qlc4

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen

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(919): I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen http://tfl.nu/2b2i

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(720): View more from Colorado

For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)

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(720): For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented) http://tfl.nu/wdah

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(703): View more from Virginia

But I thought everyone had breakup sex?

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(703): But I thought everyone had breakup sex? http://tfl.nu/04j7

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?

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(717): Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain? http://tfl.nu/uh45

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(804): View more from Virginia

What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.

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(804): What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language. http://tfl.nu/0hum

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(512): View more from Texas

i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.

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(512): i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/a4iw

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how

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(401): How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how http://tfl.nu/4odx

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(407): View more from Florida

While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.

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(407): While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead. http://tfl.nu/hup2

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(347): View more from New York

I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?

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(347): I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay? http://tfl.nu/bmfn

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(434): View more from Virginia

Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.

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(434): Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care. http://tfl.nu/ksws

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