8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
