now i know why i became what i already was.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
