its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He shit in the fireplace
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
