She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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