Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
