She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
