Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
