so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
