I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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