I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
