so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just pee around me
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
