i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
