there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
