Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
