Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
