hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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