I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
my liver is dry heaving
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
