david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
