It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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