I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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