yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
