I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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