I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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