why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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