Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
