He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
