I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
