What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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