I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
