He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
