I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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