Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
