I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
