I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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