Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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