I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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