Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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