google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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