"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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