the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
