that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
