you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
