I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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