Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
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Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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