the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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