i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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