so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
