ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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