Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
