I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
