RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
