Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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