his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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