Porn is love you can see.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
