I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
