i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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