So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
