Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
