so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
