I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
