Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
