I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
