i jhust puked up my retainher.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
