I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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