haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
