just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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