Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.