Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.