MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.