Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower