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I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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