Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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