having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence