Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child