So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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