She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
