i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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