doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
