I wanna passion pit in your ass
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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