Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize