Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
God, I missed his penis.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
