Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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