my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she peed on how many people?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
