her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
